Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she peed on how many people?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize