it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
