spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Randomize
