It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
