I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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