I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
