I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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