from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
