You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
