I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
