I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
