Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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