Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
