i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
