im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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