I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
