I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
