well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize