don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
