I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
