I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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