We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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