I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want her autograph on my taint
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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