now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize