butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
