Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
