I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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