I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
