oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
