somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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