Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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