This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
