I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
