Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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