So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
