next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
