Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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