Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
