I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
