i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
