he wants to bone in the snuggie
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
