also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
