Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
