Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
