I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
