Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
