that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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