Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize