I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
