I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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