It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
