Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
