i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
