I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
