I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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