If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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