I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
