I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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