Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
