please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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