I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize