Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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