Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
