You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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