she looked like the before picture.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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