she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
