The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
