Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
